My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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