omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
