omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
