I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
