Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
