dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
