when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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