If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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