Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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