Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
