seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He passed out mid-signature
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
