either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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