My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't like sucking hair
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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