i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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