When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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