And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am midnight drunk by noon
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I made him laugh his dick is mine
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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