it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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