I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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