Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
