a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
