Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
