dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was confusing and full of hummus
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
