Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
