You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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