and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
