He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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