You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
