our cab driver is having phone sex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
