You made me cry and you don't even care
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
