I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
