I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
