I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
