too bad you live with your parents still
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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