It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
