No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
