Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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