Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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