she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
