Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
bring money and cleavage
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
