i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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