I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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