sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
