She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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