Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
