I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
