Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
