How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize