No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
