I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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