All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
