just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
