dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Randomize
