Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
