Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
