I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
