You made me cry and you don't even care
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
