woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
