I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
