It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
