3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Found your dick twin last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize