I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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