im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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