If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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