I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
