How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
