wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish there were birth control emojis
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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