please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
