Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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