Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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