I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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