Please, let me fuck your mom
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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