the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
