Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
