Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
