Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
