Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
