It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
