arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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