i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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