"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
