So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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