we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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