i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
false alarm, still single
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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