You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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