i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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