So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
